Sunday, August 30, 2009

Goodbyes

Brittany was home for a week the first of August. It was the longest she had been home for a very long time. We had a great visit and managed to clean out her memorabilia from school and college days. We laughed and had a great time remembering those days. It is much more fun to look back now that she is a mature woman. We decided that no one has had any more fun than she has. There were a few memories that weren't so much fun---but were character builders.

I took her to Louisville to catch the plane home. I made it through the goodbye at the airport with a smile and a wave. I walked to the car and drove away. About 5 miles down the road an old country western song came on the radio. The song was the last Goodbye. If this were your last goodbye---did you tell them how much you love them? I began to cry. I knew that all of my love ones know how much I love them. I even tell my friends that I love them. I cried because of something that I had seen all too often lately.

Jim and I have taken two long rides this summer and several short ones. I have seen thousands of crosses on the sides of the road. So many people whose lives have been snuffed out, without a chance to say goodbye. Every cross is different and many times you get a feel for the life they represent. There are crosses with baby pink and blue wreaths with stuffed animals, crosses that are made of wood , some that are metal with barbed wire around them with names like "Duke and Wolf", decorated for every occasion. Loved ones leave all kinds of symbols of the character of their loved ones. The saddest of all is when you see a grouping of three or more with a large cross and several small ones. I am not sure how people go on after losing their entire family. They move on because they have no other choice. When I see these, I always remember my high school friend whose husband and two children were killed in a automobile crash about twenty years ago. Gracie was a second wife to Darell and and loved him with all of her heart. After her loss she grieved until she died an early life--she died after a brief illness, but she died of a broken heart, mostly.

While Brittany was home she visited with an elderly lady who was somewhat like a grandmother to her. She and her sons operate a gas station that we have used for years. Brittany would not go to get gas unless she had at least thirty minutes to talk and laugh with Ms Anna Booker. When she was home we had a little get together for Brittany. Even though we knew Ms Booker was very ill, we sent her an invitation. She called on the day of the party and said she wasn't able to come. Brittany was trying to decide whether to take her some goodies and go for a visit. She asked me what I thought and I told her it was completely up to her. She only weighed about 80 pounds and was failing fast. My advice was that if she wanted to remember her the way she had known her---don't go, if she wanted to see her and say goodbye--to go. She decided to go and they laughed and talked and Ms Booker ate more than she had for weeks. Anna Booker died two weeks later and Brittany had given her a fun visit and a final goodbye.

This week Senator Edward Kennedy died and via television, we all watched the mourning process of the Kennedy family again. Unlike the previous Kennedy deaths, Teddy Kennedy was given a chance to say his goodbyes. One of his family members said it was as if he was able to take a victory lap. The eulogies and prayers included his trials and tribulations and his many successful public accomplishments. The most touching words were those of his grandchildren. After the deaths of his two brothers, he became the father to his 13 nieces and nephews and four children. He lived a full life and gave them a true family closeness and the biggest gift for a Kennedy--the chance to say goodbye.

Goodbyes are hard many times, but not having the chance to say them is unfinished business and never goes away. I have watched people I love die slowly and painfully and I have had the shock of sudden death. It is important to me to always take the chance to say goodbye and tell someone how much they mean to me. I volunteered for Hospice a number of years ago and I know that dying well is a beautiful and natural thing. I learned how important it is that we not waste an opportunity to visit the terminally ill, even if it is hard, both you and the patient will be blessed with closure. My advice is the same as the song---"What would you say, if you knew it were your last goodbye?"